Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Something random for you all. I was talking to someone about some people’s tendency to share every part of their life, and was theorizing about the types of people out there and what a person should reasonably share with them. In order to illustrate my musings, I wrote the fallowing little guide. It’s meant to be a little silly, and I hope I don’t offend anyone (I noticed that people generally didn’t like the last post.) so without further or due:
Social dynamics and social intelligence are very strange, and very hard to understand. The ideas of when to say something, how to act, what to do to direct the flow of a conversation or to understand what someone actually means vs what they say (Would you like to come up stairs to see my drawings?) Entire universities are devoted to it’s study and even they don’t understand it all. But there are basic guidelines, and various philosophies on sharing yourself with people.
There are all sorts of people we interact with every day. Good friends, coworkers, enemies, family, etc. And we interact differently with all of them. Even within the circles there are serious differences from the way we interact with person to person. Maybe it’s a hard thing to accept, but that is really ok. I have friends that I talk politics with, but I would never in a million years divulge any details from my relationships. Conversely there are people who I only know because they need to know all the details of my relationships, but we *don’t* talk politics. I consider both these people friends, mind you, but I certainly don’t need to tread into their uncomfortable zones. These people accept me for who I am, even if they don’t know the whole story.
Maybe it’d be easier to illustrate with a little fiction. We’ll be focusing on two things. Acceptance, and the choices you have in a social situation.
Lets say one day you decide that your path to happiness is to unleash your inner child. Your *early* inner child. So you begin to wear diapers around. Why not, right? It’s just a different kind of underwear. (also, I think it’s relatively safe to assume I’m not singling anyone out with this) But it’s really outside social norm, most people aren’t to keen on accepting it.
Now, there are of course going to be people you interact with. You can’t avoid all the people you knew Before Diapering (Henceforth known ad B.D.) and being around some of those people will be really embarrassing. If you live at home, the first people you will have to interact with are your family members. You have some choices (these choices will appear a lot)
Don’t tell them, but don’t hide it either
Avoid telling at all costs.
Each choice has their own positives and negatives, but it all comes down to the relationship you have with your family. If you tell them outright, you run the greatest risk. In my family there really are no secrets. On the same margin, if I told my family that I had decided to wear diapers around they would say “Well, you never could do things normally. Don’t leak on the furniture” (My parents are pretty blunt.) However, if the family is not very accepting of the out of ordinary, the only real response you can get is one of anger/shame, perhaps being kicked out. So, not a good option if normal is a precedence.
So you can’t tell them, but maybe if they find out on their own it won’t be so bad. This is true in a lot of cases. Family members are people too, and as they figure things out for themselves they understand the situation better (believe me when I say your parents know a lot about you, and in many cases have been there. I once new a chick who was real into BDSM. After an abusive relationship, she was talking to her mother for consolation trying her hardest not to bring the SM part into the discussion. However, this was making some holes in the story, and her mother stopped her and said “Look, honey, I know you think I’m blissfully unaware of your lifestyle, but lets just say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” True story.) This option will not work, however, if your family is already teatering on the edge of disowning you. Then any excuse will be taken and used against you, leaving you with the final option. Hide it.
Of course there are risks, but in order to preserve peace sometimes it’s necessary to just not say anything. In many cases, this isn’t a sign of a weak relationship. Simply that they are comfortable not knowing things about you, and you need to be aware of that. Being that it’s family, this is often something that happens earlier in life, but is resolved later in life. Ten years from now you might finally confess to your mother about the time you smoked a ton of weed but blamed it on the neighbor, and it’ll be alright then.
The next type of person you’ll encounter is your close friends. Your close friends are friends that will pretty much accept you no matter what. That’s the reason they are your close friends. You can strait up tell them, but really, do you need to? Will they care? More than likely the flow of social politics will play out as fallows. You show up and see them as normal, just like B.D. They don’t notice, and this continues for a while. Then, one day your at the pub downing your fourth snakebite and one of your good friends pipes up with “Dude, you like haven’t used the restroom all evening. What the hell, ive had to pee every ten minutes and I think your drinking more than I am.”
And you’ll be all “Oh, actually I decided to wear diapers.”
And your friend will be all “Dude, right on. I mean, that’s kinda weird, but whatever. You’re buying the next round right?”
Or maybe they’ll join you. Friends are weird like that, often times you’ll get along with someone because you share a lot of similar interest to begin with. Plus, you never want to have the “Dude, you know you don’t have to hide anything from me. I’m a little hurt” talk. If you do have to hide things from your good friends, though, you might want to consider choosing new good friends. Maybe knock them down a tier into the next people you’ll come across, your casual friends.
Now casual friends are those ones that you see every so often, and maybe sometimes have deep meaningful discussions with, but you wouldn’t count on it unless you’ve had a few too many. Maybe they are the classmates you get along with. Maybe you only see them when you both meet at your regular eating spot. These could be coworkers you get along with, or just the people in the party your at. Do they need to know all about you? Not really. In fact a lot of these kind of relationships work because they don’t know more about you than is necessary. The guy you always talk sports with might hate you if he knew you were a democrat. The girl you always hang out with at the republican meetings with might stop talking to you permanently if she knew you were a Broncos fan.
Telling them all your secrets outright would be a lot of risk, with very little reward. Chances are they won’t be accepting, it’ll be outside their bubble of how they think of you. Hiding it is a lot of effort though, and may be too confining for the reward of keeping their friendship. There will be some people where it is worth hiding yourself, like your friendly neighbor who is a mechanic, and ever since you did that BBQ has tuned up your car for free. I’m usually not a fan of using people, so keep it mutual, OK? Put on baggy pants and throw another BBQ, with better beer this time.
Now, you will next come across people like coworkers you aren’t friends with, bosses and teachers. These kind of people are necessary relationships that you will have to work at all times to maintain. Unfortunately it means that, in most cases, you’ll be keeping yourself to yourself. You could tell them, or let them find out, but chances are nothing good will come of it. And with so much to risk, there really isn’t a reason to. How many times have you sat and wondered “Gee, I really wish I knew more about my bosses personal life” Never? That’s normal, because it’s business. Your boss feels the same way about you. Teachers, Postal Workers, etc. People you *have to* interact with. No good will come from them knowing everything about you, and even some would try to use it against you. There are people you don’t have to interact with, though.
They are called strangers. They fall under the category of who cares. Want to tell a stranger that you wear diapers? Go for it. They will probably look at you funny and maybe call you offensive things. Honestly, though, it’s probably better if you don’t. They don’t know you, you don’t know them. Hiding things doesn’t make any difference. Society will shoebox you anyway, strangers will see what they want to see. If they want to arbitrarily label you as a freak, they are going to be looking for an excuse to do so. I say don’t make any extra effort either way. Most people would like to assume that you are normal so they are saved the trouble of thinking.
Sifting through strangers, though, is how you will probably meet new people, so do use some discretion. And if you happen to meet your future Significant Other, you’ll really have to tread lightly. Hopefully your future S.O. will at least obtain the status of close friend. If not, you’ll have to tell them outright about why you crinkle when you sit down. Otherwise it’ll get awkward, you really shouldn’t be dating someone that won’t accept you for whatever reason.
Man, we have whittled away a lot of people. But there are still two categories I think are worth discussing. The first is people who you seek because they share your interest. Maybe your sitting around one day surfing the net and you find a diaper wearers group in your area, and you attend. This is a good place to randomly bring up the fact that your diapered, because it’s kind of expected. Imagine showing up to an AA meeting and saying “Hi, my name is Bob and I don’t drink.” First off, no one will believe you, second off, if it were true you have no business being there. So be proud. This is the place to do it and get your dose of acceptance. Strip of those pants and show proudly your padded behind. Just, yknow, remember to put them back on before you walk out.
The final group of people that you will interact with are the people that will know you anonymously. People who will not know who you are. This is a great chance to either totally be who you are (talk in baby talk all day. Who care?) or really be someone your not. Act. This is where most the internet resides, by the way. Where you can hide behind a screen name and rant about how the US needs to adopt Nazi Rule, something you definitely wouldn’t do in public. Ever. You probably would keep your best friends away from that one, but you don’t’ need to if your anonymous, because who the hell will know? You can tell all your secrets away without fear of repercussion. You can also hide anything, because there is not a way to find out your lying. It’s not very fulfilling for that reason, and most people will just make fun of you because they feel safe being an asshole (again, no fear of repercussions.) Also, remember to hide your information well, you don’t need future employers googleing your name and finding out everything. That would be bad.
So in short, there are people to tell and share yourself fully with. There are people that you need to share as little as possible with in order to maintain yourself. And then there are people that you can share a little bit with, but not too much. And that is all OK.
Aaaand, that’s all for now. Goodnight Everybody!